I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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