some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
