He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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