Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
