Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
