i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
