Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
A+ Viking dick
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
