hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Randomize
