Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
