My Higher Power is John Stamos
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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