Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
