i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Randomize