I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Randomize
