i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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