At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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