She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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