ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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