i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize