you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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