Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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