I wish my penis had an off switch
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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