mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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