Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
