My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
