sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
