I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I party with great urgency now.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
