giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
