Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
