We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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