I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
