Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
