Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
