last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
