thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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