no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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