Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
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Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
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My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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