You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
