Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
