I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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