yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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