I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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