He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
