then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
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I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Vodka?
Forever.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
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You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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