i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
