I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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