at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
