She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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