the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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