At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
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