please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
