found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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