and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
