guys are only as good as the porn they watch
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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