My hair reeks of homosexuality.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
