at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
