No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
