dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
