I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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