My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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