I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
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