why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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