By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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