Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
