You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
