neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
