6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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