I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
