You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
did you just send me my own nude
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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