I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
