I faked an abortion last night.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
a search helicopter?!
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Randomize
