Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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