Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
