She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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