So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
