Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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