I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
