hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
