i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
