why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
