I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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