I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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